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MeatShield chronicles the adventures of Dhur, a blissfully oblivious half-orc barbarian; Jaine, a half-elven bard graduate student; Ch’p, a halfling monk and pastry chef of the W’Shaa Monastery; Philonoth “Philo” Rhieune, arcane artificer and spy, and Becky Sourbottom, dwarven paladin of Morridin and caber-tossing champion, as they adventure across the fantasy world of Ardris.

Part One – The Legend Begins and Stuff: The saga of MeatShield begins as Dhur and Jaine journey to the Duchy of Nitsu’a and begin their adventuring careers. Click here to start reading!

Part Two – The Quest for the Scepter Thingie: Dhur and Jaine accept their first bona fide quest to rescue a prince and recover a powerful magical artifact, exploring more of Ardris in the process and meeting a new ally, Ch’p. Click here to start reading! 

Part Three – The Hunt for the Mystic Doo-Dads: Dhur, Jaine and Ch’p hunt for arcane artifacts to stop an ancient evil from escaping its extradimensional prison into Ardris, meeting Becky and Philo along the way. Click here to start reading!

Part Four – Into the Chasm of Night: The quintet follow a treasure map into the dreaded Chasm of Night! Click here to start reading!

Part Five – Planehopping: The Unnamed Royal Adventuring Company #47 find themselves on a strange journey through other dimensions! Click here to start reading! 

Part Six – The Empire of the Mithril Skulls: (Current storyline) Our heroes (minus Philo) return home to find years have gone by and a new threat is rearing its head. Click here to start reading!

Contact

Me? You really wanna talk to me? Awesome!  Just send me an email at the following address:

rob(at)meatshield(dot)net

I should have some sort of snazzy thing that lets you fill out a form or whatever, but I’m still learning this whole website- making dealybobber. Please forgive and all that. 🙂

Cast

Dhur

Dhur

He’s tough! He’s strong! He’s the fiercest knitter this side of the Duchy of Nitsu’a! Dhur is a half-orc barbarian warrior who rarely thinks about what he says or does, he just goes with the flow with his battleaxe, which he named Trudy. Dhur isn’t actually dumb so much he isn’t overly burdened with a sense of self-enlightenment. In another, stranger world, he might have been a surfer or a member of a college fraternity. In the lands of Ardris, however, he gets paid to kill things and take their stuff. It was either this or welding.

Jaine

Jaine

Jainal’ssa L’Vallis of the elven house Vhalle (a.k.a. “Jaine”) sees herself as her generation’s next great talent, a bardic voice that will go down in history. The only thing standing in the way of becoming a master bard (and graduating from bard college) is her magnum opus, a masterwork saga that she hopes will endure forever and, more importantly, count towards 8 hours of class credit. She is following Dhur as a part of researching that saga, hoping that their exploits will span continents, thwart villains and warm the hearts of all that hear of them. Dhur was the only “hero” she could find and she was running out of time to get her senior project application and outline submitted.

Ch'p

Ch’p

Ch’p ir’Kell is a humble monk of the W’Shaa Monastery in Westhame, a monastery as known for its devotion to the martial arts as it is for its dessert kitchens. Ch’p is currently at large in the world on his “Fielding,” fighting evil and hunting down cookie recipes. Ch’p was en route to Vedris, the City of Serpents, to investigate reports of a bakery producing Dire Blondies when the ship he was on (along with Dhur and Jaine) was attacked. During the conflict, Dhur saved Ch’p’s life. Indebted to Dhur, Ch’p has joined the group and is ready to fling himself into harm’s way at the drop of a hat. He has developed a huge crush on Becky Sourbottom.

Becky

Becky

Bekkana “Becky” Sourbottom is a rough-and-tumble self-trained dwarven warrior of Clan Punchintheface. as well as the Duchy of A’Caw’s caber-tossing champion (junior division). Becky met the rest of the party when they came to Nailmoor, her home, in response to a call for help against the rampaging Gravel Giants. She threw her lot in with them to recover the Nailmoor Sledge, a powerful magical hammer, adopted an adorable monstrous puppy named Vorpal, and had to be dragged kicking and screaming by the god of the dwarves, Morridin, to be his paladin.

Philo

Philo

Philonoth “Philo” Rheiune is a changeling, offspring of an elven mother and a doppelganger father. He is also a highly trained artificer, adept at melding magic and technology, and is pledged to protect Jaine by her father (his boss) the Archmage of Val’ Dhar. He’s a bit of a nerd and Dhur has taken to calling him “Stick-Boy” due to his slender build. He also has a bit of a crush on Jaine (shh! Don’t tell anyone!).

 

 

Vorpal

Vorpal

Vorpal is a Chimera Hound puppy, a magically-engineered hybrid between the hunting hounds used by the orcs of Tarokka and the great chimera lizards. Vorpal wandered into the group’s camp one night and, after attempting to eat Becky whole, stole her heart (figuratively) instead. Vorpal can eat ANYTHING: rocks, rope, mothers-in-law, you name it. She is extremely loyal, loving and seems to be a happy puppy that can turn into a killing machine at need.

FAQs

What is MeatShield?

MeatShield is a sword and sorcery, Dungeons & Dragons-style fantasy comic strip that updates weekly. The strip tells of the adventures (or lack thereof) of the following:

  • Dhur, a mighty half-orc barbarian warrior and the fiercest knitter in the Five Kingdoms
  • Ch’p, halfling monk and pastry chef of the sacred Order of the W’Shaa
  • Becky, reluctant dwarven paladin and caber-tossing champion
  • Philo, dorky changeling artificer; kind of like a magical MacGyver,
  • Jaine, a no-nonsense half-elven bard (okay, bardic graduate student) and very reluctant princess

No, I mean, what is a “meatshield”?

According to UrbanDictionary, a meatshield is “An individual possessing high stamina and strength, often sought by weaker individuals to “Tank” or absorb large amounts of incoming damage and aggression.” Kinda describes Dhur, doesn’t it?

Who are you?

My name is Rob Chambers and I’ve been drawing cartoons since the age of five. I initially started off as an editorial cartoonist in high school and later at California State University, Northridge’s Daily Sundial, where I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Art.  My influences include Berke Breathed, the late Randy Wicks, Phil Foglio and many more that I can’t think of at the moment. I’m happily married and the stay-at-home dad of twin girls, so I ain’t skeered of nothin’ no more.;)

Half-elves? Half-orcs? Halflings? Dwarves? What the heck is this stuff?

In the fantasy world of Ardris, where the events of MeatShield take place, humans aren’t the only sentient species. Elves, Dwarves, and others abound. Half-elves and half-orcs are one part human and the other part… well, the other part. Halflings are, essentially, like the hobbits in the Lord of the Rings. Only mine can kick butt. This is a fantasy based strip and uses a lot of conventions found in games like Dungeons & Dragons or World of Warcraft. I’ve tried to keep the geekbabble to a minimum, though.

So, is Dhur from Bhutan?

You’re probably referring to this, which I only recently found. No, he’s not – I thought I was being clever when I named him.

You sure do use a lot of weird made-up words! How the heck do you pronounce them all?

By using this, the MeatShield Pronunciation Guide!

THE MAIN CAST

Dhur: DURR
Jaine: “Jane” in modern English
• Full name: Jainal’assa L’Vallis: Jay-NULL-ah-sah LUH-vall-iss
Ch’p Ir’Kell: Chip UR-ah-kell.
Becky Sourbottom: as pronounced in modern English.
Vorpal: v-OAR-pul
Philo: FYE-low.
• Full name: Philonoth Rheiune: FYE-low-noth ray-OON.
Brother Leon: As pronounced in modern English.

SUPPORTING CAST

Taledge (royal sage): Taw-LUJ (rhymes with “college”)
Carl Bitter-Ore (dwarven thief): as pronounced in modern English
Chelle: Dhur’s ex-fiancee: Shell
Mona Dhohswif – Dhur’s mom: Moan-uh doe-SWIFF
Ghar Dhohson – Dhur’s older brother: GARR doe-SUN
Lana Gharswif – Ghar’s wife (referred to, never seen, kind of like Maris in Frasier): LAH-nah gar-SWIFF
Amea, Lako – Ghar’s kids: ah-MEE-uh, lay-KOH
Ambassador Talavosh: Taal-uh-VOSH
Barry Firegullet: as pronounced in modern English
Sidney Sourbottom (Becky’s dad) : as pronounced in modern English
Danny Sourbottom (Becky’s brother) : as pronounced in modern English
The W’Shaa Monastery: woo-SHAH
• Nival’r: Niv-ALL-urr
• D’ren: Duh-REN
• Nomos: NOH-moes
• Day’l: “dale” in modern english
• Teo: TAY-oh

MONSTERS

Duke Leonid the 17th (Duke Leo the Pseudo-Lich): lee-oh-NID
The Drow: dr-OWW (not Dr-OH)
Blue-Hand Troll (“Blue” to his friends) : as pronounced in modern English
Zhara (succubus): SH-ah-ruh. Slight buzz on the “sh” sound
Disparoxus: Dis-puh-ROKS-uss

GODS

Kelamane, God of valor, justice and truth: KELL-uh-main
Morridin, God of the Dwarves: MOE-red-in
“Morrie, God of sandwiches” – bogus god made up by Carl: as pronounced in modern English
Vasra, God of serpents and secrets: VAH-zra
Kistadous, King of Demons: KISS-tah-doos
Terron, God of the Earth: TAIR-on
Grundahr Ghall, God of the Orcs: GROON-darr GALL

ROYALTY

The Late King Franz the 22nd of Westhame: as pronounced in modern English
The Queen Dowager Aniera Mular: ah-NEER-uh
The Royal House of Mular: MOO-larr
Prince Jonus of Westhame: JOE-nuss
Archmage Noral’lasstas d’Vallis of Val’Dhar: nor-UHL-ah-lass-tuss DUH-vall-iss
Sorathassa L’Vallis, Valana of Val’Dhar: SOAR-uh-thaa-sa LUH-vall-iss
Marithella L’Sinar, Vanalassa of Val’Dhar: MAW-REE-thella LUH-sin-arr

THINGS

iOun – iphone in ardris. Jaine has one. : eye-OON
Narath prison: narr-ath

VAL’DHAR ROYAL TITLES:
• Archmage: as pronounced in modern English
• Valana (queen): VUH-la-nah
• Vanalassa (princess): VAH-nuh-LAH-sa

PLACES
THE WORLD OF ARDRIS: arr-DRISS

WESTHAME: WEST-HAYM
• Duchy of Kilanio: Kee-LAWN-yo
• Duchy of Nitsu’a: nitt-SOO-ah
• Duchy of Suropic: sir-OH-pick
• Duchy of Sadal: suh-DOLL
• Duchy of Kobul: KO-bull
• Duchy of A’Caw: ah-KAW
• Duchy of Alliram: uh-LEER-um
• Duchy of Osapal: oh-SUH-pawl
• Duchy of Brown: as pronounced in modern English
TAROKKA: tuh-ROW-kuh or tuh-RAW-kuh (either is acceptable)
MIKILTUUM: mi-KILL-toom
• Vedris: VED-riss
VAL’DHAR: Vawl-DARR
• Samilleve: SAM-ull-EV
IMPERIAL PROTECTORATE OF GAHL-NABAR: GAWL-Nuh-BARR
SCRYBL, THE CITY OF SHORTCUTS: “scribble” as pronounced in modern English
The Toviat Library: TOE-vee-ut

 

Any questions I didn’t get to?

Email them to me at rob(at)meatshield(dot)net.

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