(The gang arrrive in the Vast Meadows, the halfling heaven. CH’P is thunderstruck, while the others are having different reactions.)
DHUR: THERE’S A WHOLE MESS OF LAWNMOWING THAT NEEDS DOING HERE. I AIN’T DOIN’ IT THOUGH; I’M ALLERGIC.
JAINE: FINALLY! SOMEPLACE THAT ISN’T FILTHY, ROCKY, OR FREEZING!
BECKY: (chasing after VORPAL, who is relieving herself on the sign welcoming them to the Vast Meadows) NO NO NO, VORPAL! DON’T PEE ON THAT! *SIGH* NEVER MIND.
MOH (looking perplexed): Apparently, the poison we put in the batter didn’t affect him.
JAINE: Okay, but why’d he shrink?
CH’P: W’Shaa Abelskiver causes random magical effects when eaten, both good and bad.
CH’P (holding a shrunken Gelidek by the throat): It could have done anything from granting him cosmic power to turning him into a cuttlefish.
JAINE (off-camera): Why didn’t it affect you when you ate some?
(exterior shot of ice castle)
CH’P: I’ve eaten abelskiver before; it only works on you once.
JAINE: What happened when you ate it back then?
CH’P: … I don’t want to talk about it.
(interior of W’Shaa monastery)
CAPTION: Roughly nine years earlier…
CH’P (transmogrified into Carson the Muskrat from Dork Tower): This can be reversed, right?!
A gigantic frostwyrm looms over the heroes.
GELIDEK: IT’S SO NICE WHEN MY MEALS DELIVER THEMSELVES.
Philo gestures at the ice tree with his dimensional stylus.
PHILO: Looks like the portal’s underneath this… Ice tree. Weird. Give me a moment to find the right dimensional key to open this portal and we can–
A resounding growl emanates from the darkness behind Philo, Jaine, and Dhur.
DHUR: That wasn’t me.
PHILO: Everyone have their temperature regulators on?
DHUR: Yes, Mother!
PHILO: Mock me if you want to, but without the T.R. keeping your body warm, you’ll freeze solid in half an hour.
JAINE: Philo, we need to talk about –
PHILO: What to expect when we reach the portal? Good idea.
JAINE: No, about what you said to me in your workshop–
PHILO: Now then, Gelidek is one of the major players here in Voerhal. Of all the rimewyrms, Gelidek is the fiercest.
PHILO: Gelidek is tenacious, ruthless and vain. He’s also quite blind.
JAINE: *hmph* He’s not the only one.
CAPTION: Later that “evening”:
DHUR (off-camera): Where’d you get the beer?
PHILO (off-camera): You’re stranded on Voerhal, the plane of ice and snow, with virtually no hope of rescue, and your first concern is the beer?
DHUR: What can I say? I got my priorities straight.
PHILO: *chuckle* I’ve missed you, Dhur. Well, there are others living here on Voerhal, some friendly, some not so much. I trade with the friendly ones for what I want or need, like beer.
PHILO: Make yourselves at home. There are spare furs in the linen closet and the lavatory is the first door on the left. Not the second door on the left, though. Don’t open that door. Like, at all.
DHUR (whispering): Wanna go open the second door later.
JAINE (whispering): No! Now, shush!
PHILO (off-camera): Now this hallway leads to the sauna…
JAINE: Wait a minute! I just put the Verdant Mantle of Inukchuk up for your bail!
PHILO: We’ll get it back, I promise!
REY-REY: Umm, can we go now?
BECKY: Mr. Faded Glory here is right.
REY-REY (off-camera): Hey!
BECKY: Let’s get Rey-rey to his reunion & get rid of this geas; then we can worry about your mom’s cloak.
JAINE: Fine. Anyone know where the nearest portal back to Dykomas would be?
REY-REY: Dykomas? I thought the reunion was in Baator?
JAINE: …It is, but our …employer is waiting for you on Dykomas.
REY-REY: Whatever! Let’s go! I hope Shanna kept her looks up!
CH’P: We are going to tell him that Shanna’s not his date eventually, right?
JAINE: Frankly, at this point, I’m just hoping Gerta cleans up good.